This morning my son woke me up with, “Can I have some candy, please?” I asked him if he had eaten a healthy breakfast yet. He said, “I ate a little, but I can’t eat too much because then I would be too full to eat candy.”

Ah yes, here we are again at the beginning of November, otherwise known as the Weeks of Candy Negotiations. How many pieces can they have? How often? How much healthy food must they choke down before getting back to the candy? Candy for dessert? Candy for breakfast? And me vacillating between, “NO MORE CANDY!” and “FINE, EAT THE CANDY! JUST FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS CALORIC, DON’T SAY THAT WORD AGAIN FOR AN HOUR!”

The worst part is, I am the one responsible for most of this candy-acquisition! Taking after my father in all things sentimental, I’m the parent dragging my chocolate-covered, glassy-eyed princesses and wizards and superheroes down “just one more block” every year on Halloween night, as they stumble with overflowing pumpkin buckets weighing them down. 

But for what? In addition to the negotiations, there are candy wrappers stuck to the rug and on the couch and in my bed. In my bed! There is a lollipop stuck to the inside of my trash can and chocolate smeared on the bathroom faucet. (It makes total sense why Wonka only allowed children in his factory the one time.) Furthermore, my daughter’s mouth seems to be permanently stained blue. And do not get me started on the gum wads popping as the new soundtrack to my days.

Seriously; overnight, candy has taken over my life. And it will continue this way up until Thanksgiving! That’s still over three weeks away, for those of you with Laffy Taffy stuck to your calendars.

So this post offers no advice or suggestions. No opinions or grand revelations here. I’m just typing this to all you other parents, stumbling through your own sticky Halloween wreckage in perhaps your own sugar-induced comas. I see you sweeping up the wrappers, I hear you bribing your goblins. Carry on, friends. Because before we know it, they won’t want to trick or treat anymore.

Next year maybe I’ll learn a lesson and forgo that last block…but probably not.