Advertisement

Chasing Date Night


After 11 years, two children, and every rerun of Law and Order, it had come to this: Date Night. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s supposed to make our marriage better, stronger, more romantic. Chasing that illusion, I painted my eyes like an Arabian princess and lured my husband away from familiar platters of cow-and-tater with a wink and a promise. We hit the highway—away from PTA, soccer and the backyard BBQs of our tidy subdivision. 

I tasted youth. It tasted a lot like lip gloss.

In the university district, a trendy bistro beckoned. A blue neon ‘Jazz’ sign lit up the window. Even better: convenient parking. 

As we waited for our table, I admired our reflections behind the bartender: totally still hot. The hostess led us past the beautiful people with their tiny bowls of pasta to a small stairway. Ooh, what now? A lower level? Not only had we found the hippest spot in town, we were now being escorted into its inner sanctum. Date Night rocked. 

The grotto had a different vibe—retro, with booths, hula-dancer lamps and pop-art. Very Bradys-go-to-Vegas. 

“Good choice, gorgeous,” my husband said.  But as I waited an unreasonable amount of time for my Chardonnay, I longed for the candlelight upstairs. How soon would all the eye makeup settle into my not-so-fine lines? Once the wine arrived, I tried to pretend it didn’t taste like yesterday’s tea. The soup had to be better—cream of asparagus and crab could be nothing less than divine.

“Do you notice anything about the people down here?” I asked.

“No,” my husband lied. But everyone around us sported thicker waists and thinner hair. 

“I think this is the Old People section,” I whispered. “Nah.” 

As I forced myself through cold, starchy soup, springs dug into my motherly rear. I poked at mediocre shrimp and soggy salad. Date Night evaporated like a mirage. Not having spent 30 minutes on make-up, my husband was less vexed. 

“This place might not last long,” he said. 

“It’s a dump,” I said. The whole place looked like a yard sale that had been plowed over by a wood-paneled station wagon. This basement sucked.

Just then, a cowboy and his girl moseyed in. Neither old nor beautiful, and worlds away from cool, they cleared things up. We had been banished—not to be seen by the real clientele. Hidden away like a cousin with herpes at the church picnic. 

And me with my best mascara. 

I knew complaints wouldn’t earn me a place upstairs, but such severe humiliation required a resolution. I needed chocolate.

At our usual steakhouse, a friendly waitress promptly served us a fudgy cake/frosting/chocolate sauce concoction, which delivered more than it promised. As our cheeks blushed under the light of a Budweiser sign, we found the satisfaction that had eluded us all evening. 

So maybe we should have started at the steakhouse? Nah. After all, dating is all about the chase. 

Be the first to review this item!


Bookmark this

01 Aug 2016


By Joy Holden

Recent Articles more articles

Parenting Advice from The Sopranos?

in Family Life, Mari Walker

I was a high school senior when The Sopranos debuted 20 years ago. I lived in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma, and didn’t have basic cable let alone access to HBO to see the cultural juggernaut as it was airing for the first time.

A Playdate-Style Birthday Party

in Family Life, Crafts and Cooking, Party, Mari Walker

Birthday parties for littles can add up fast. For a few Benjamins, you can take them and a few friends to a bounce place or rent a bounce house for your backyard. We didn’t start big parties like that for my older daughter until she was about five.

Spring Household Hazardous Materials Collection Day

in Health and Wellness, Things To Do, Family Life, Local News

East Baton Rouge Parish residents can drop off household hazardous materials for safe disposal at the upcoming Household Hazardous Materials Collection Day on Saturday, May 18.

Experience BIG fun in our Social Skills Summer Camps!

in Sponsored Content

As the school year ends and summer begins, your children will find themselves in a variety of new social environments–camps, playgrounds, beaches and family or friends' houses, to name a few. 

Featured Listings more listings

Baton Rouge International School

in Private Schools

The Baton Rouge International School is an independent, non-profit American school offering a rigorous College preparatory curriculum in a multilingual environment (English, French, Spanish and Chinese) from preschool through 12th grade.

Dunham School, The

in Private Schools

The Dunham School is Baton Rouge's leading college-preparatory school serving students in PreK3-12th grade. As an independent, non-denominational Christian school, Dunham is committed to educating students in mind, body, and spirit.

Laurel Oaks Academy

in Charter Schools

Laurel Oaks Charter School educates all kindergarten through eighth grade students for admission into college preparatory high schools and four year universities.

Advertisement
Newsletter